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October 02, 2005
Perception vs. Reality
Sometimes perception and reality dovetail. Sometimes they diverge. Sometimes the perception is based on an "internal reality" with only the most tenuous connection to the world at large.
I once had a friend, a woman in all other respects but one was a great person to know. She was funny, articulate, educated and reliable. But it came to a point in our relationship where her one "flaw" was so egregious I finally broke off our friendship.
She was, bluntly, fat and everything that happened her in life was filtered through the lense that the world "hates" fat people. That was her "internal reality."
We'd be at a restaurant together and if the waitress spoke to me first, my friend would hiss "See that? She is a bigot. She only spoke to you first because I'M FAT." If the order came to her not to her liking, it was "Because I'M FAT." If she encounted an obnoxious sales clerk, or was cut off in traffic, or was sassed by a teen at school, the only reason it ever happened to her was because of "FAT BIGOTRY"...or as she explained it, "The only acceptable prejudice left." It didn't matter if I was subjected to a harried clerk or a leadfooted driver. I wasn't "fat" so it didn't matter and I could never understand what she went through every day.
Her "internal reality", her perception, didn't match reality. And it only reinforced her perception of "fat bigotry" even when it was her own bitterness and combative attitude that made people draw away. Whatever slings and arrows that daily life flung her way, she had her perception of "fat bigotry" to fall back on, exonerating her of anything that she personally might be responsible for.
When you think of it, such a perception that absolves you of much responsibility of anything ill, any bad luck, that might befall your life is damned tempting. Didn't get that job you wanted? Get snubbed by the counter-girl at Macy's? Get cut-off in the parking lot? Get shortchanged at the supermarket?
Not "that's life", it's because it's really their fault because they hate [persecuted minority de jour].
Tell a person long enough and often enough that said person can't realize their dreams because of THOSE PEOPLE and their deepseated/hidden/subconscious hatred of the person and, by golly, who is surprised when the person's perception diverges from reality?
Someone tried to say that "ignoring" the perceptions of others is bigotry itself.
Let me make this clear. Indulging a misperception is bigotry. Perceptions divorced of reality should not be ignored but challenged.
Posted by Darleen at October 2, 2005 12:15 PM
Comments
You should brush up on your fake French. That's "persecuted minority _du_ jour". ;)
Posted by: Strider at October 2, 2005 07:35 PM
LOL Strider
That 2 years of high school French was longer ago then I like to admit to!!
:-D
Posted by: Darleen at October 2, 2005 11:11 PM
Everytime she complained, you should have said, "The waitress talked to me first because I am so stunningly beautiful."
After a while she might have taken the hint...;-)
Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at October 3, 2005 03:52 PM