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June 02, 2006

Ordering a burger in a vegetarian restaurant - revisited

There are few things that will get on my last nerve faster than listening to someone bitch and moan about a situation they have complete control over. You don't like a particular show on television? Don't watch it. You don't like the rules of the Boy Scouts? Don't join or get your own group. Your boyfriend has slapped you around, yet again? Leave him, call the police and don't go back. Your spouse is cheating on you for the umpteenth time? Don't .......

Wait. Hold on there. "Let's not get hasty," sez Andrew Sullivan

Sitting with an old friend, Dan Savage, and a seventies icon, Erica Jong, talking about sex in front of a few hundred Upper East Side denizens is not something you do every day. ... For me the interesting point came when Dan and I agreed that moderate hypocrisy - especially in marriages - is often the best policy. Momogamy (sic) is very hard for men, straight or gay, and if one partner falters occasionally (and I don't mean regularly), sometimes discretion is perfectly acceptable. You could see Jong bridle at the thought of such dishonesty. But I think the post-seventies generation - those of us who grew up while our parents were having a sexual revolution - both appreciate the gains for sexual and emotional freedom, while being a little more aware of their potential hazards. An acceptance of mild hypocrisy as essential social and marital glue is not a revolutionary statement.
Sully went off the rails quite a while back when the goal of getting same-sex couples to legally marry became his only raison d'etre. However, taking Sully at his word, he's not really interested in marriage.

No reasonable person is interested in stopping Sully or any other adult from hooking up however they please. Wanna play slap-n-tickle with person A on Monday/Wednesday and hide-the-salami with person B on Tuesday/Thursday? Go for it. Have fun.

But don't get married and don't tell married people that "Hey, it's a Generational thang, you old fart."

Trust makes or breaks a relationship. And trust is based on honesty between the partners. Entering an institution where monogamy is an essential expectation, and where one isn't sincere in keeping that expectation, is dishonest.

And let's face it, such cheerleading of a cafeteria approach to marriage is rarely advocated for the well-being of one's partner. It is a "get out of guilt free card" to be slapped down on the game board against the upset, grieving partner if the "indiscretion" is discovered.

Sully, put down your mom's edition of The Harrad Experiment, don't go into a vegetarian restaurant expecting them to serve you a hamburger and if you want the freedom to follow your little head wherever it leads, don't ask to get married.

(Ann Althouse via Jeff G)


Posted by Darleen at June 2, 2006 12:33 PM


- With "moral relativism" as your compass, was this endpoint ever in doubt.

- I will chuckle and just say "moveon dot cockold", when it gets to the point that NO loyalty becaomes the norm, because when that happens the same "progessive" voices will be screaming for a return to stability, truthfulness, and loyalty out of shear desperation.

From a womans standpoint - "You want me to wed my life and future, put all my emotional love and trust into an individual that could just get up and walk out the door at the drop of a pin? this is the person you think I should devote too and have children with, and all that means in personal dedication, that could look me in the face and lie without hesitation? Are you totally nuts?"

From a mans standpoint - This is the woman you want me to support in emotional dedication of heart and soul, and give my life's labor to, when I won't know from one minute to the next who's parting her thighs. This is the person you think I should work to give home, hearth, and children, and all the responsibilities of what that entails for the better part of my life, when she could lie to me at any time in a heart beat? Have you lost your mind?"

- And if you think you can form a long time relationship, know true dedicated love in all its unique, and wonderful experience, you're kidding yourself. You're just on a long protracted date. Which for some thats a personal chioce, but for most it's a long lonely path to the ground, alone.

Posted by: Big Bang Hunter at June 2, 2006 07:20 PM