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November 03, 2005
Adventures in Parenting -- overheard
Single mom, early thirties, of 7 y/o
You just can't be strict with your kids or they'll rebel on you.I didn't know whether to pound my head against the wall or go pound hers.
Kids will rebel against their parents. Period. It's coded into them, part of their psychological development into adulthood. The question then becomes for the parent, how do you want them to rebel?
If one is fairly strict, with clear and reasonable family rules AND with a clear procedure for the kids to petition for rule change, then "rebeling" will generally be limited and will take the form of small stuff. I.E. sneaking a cigarette or a beer, breaking curfew, dying hair funny colors.
No rules? No expectations? Kids still will try to shock their parents, to establish a separate identity. Now they'll do it by using illegal drugs, becoming sexually promiscuous, even engaging in crime.
Oh, I admit, there are a few kids that will never rebel against parents who have endulged their every wish, made no demands on them, and allow them to control the household.
Those are the 30/40 something, unemployed singles still living with their parents.
Posted by Darleen at November 3, 2005 12:24 PM
Comments
- Actually this is one of those issues that can be left to fester or delt with directly from the gitgo when bonding and arranging the pecking-order establishment within which you intend to rear your spawn.
I simply have always made it clear that our home is a place of love, safe harbor, learning, living, survival, and healthy exchange of ideas.
But one thing it is not, and never will be, is a "Democracy". The King and/or Queen has absolute veto power, and the final decision in all matters familial. Thats it. Appeals only at your own peril.
Announced on any number of occassions the the way to freedom is to get good grades, don't give me too many headaches and manage to survive to 18. Take it or leave it. Lots of momentary grumbling and under breathed comments alluding to "...unfair...", but the idea of the loss of all these sweet perks doled out will almost always return the protester to a grudging admission of conceeding to my superior position.
Children are any number of things, but not psychological experiments. Heres a few things I've learned in raising 4 of the little darlings to a fruitfull adult existence with families of their own:
- Your children are not your buddies. In time as you prove their trust is warrented in you, then the friendships of a lifetime will develope. But for a great deal of the rearing years its in their program to eschew any and all forms of "buddyness" with their "Prehistoric wardens". Forget the buddy angle. Thats the mind-tweak idiotic idea of a 4th year psyche major needing original work for his/her thesis.
- The one time in your life when you not only can, but in fact have a solumn parental responsiblity to totally control another human being(s)...
- Formative humans that are desperately in need of that which they rebel against the strongest...
- Trusting you not to throw in the towel and capitulate to the many forms of unguided missle impulses and mind-fuck guilt trips that children are past perfect at generating....
- To never lose sight of the fact that in the end they are worth it, even in those moments of head-banging frustration.....
Confuscious said:...Take heart in the fact that theres never been a truly "successful" parent in the history of mankind. I would add that in many regards if your kids grow up successful, happy, and healthy, count your blessings but know also that in most cases it may have been in spite of your best efforts.
Big Bang
Posted by: Big Bang Hunter at November 3, 2005 05:12 PM
BBH
Bravo. I can add no more to your comments than, simply
Bravo.
Posted by: Darleen at November 3, 2005 08:10 PM
So sad. Obviously, the mother herself wasn't disciplined, nurtured or cared for while she was growing up, and she's passing the "family tradition" along.
Posted by: TalkinKamel at November 4, 2005 07:43 AM
Do you feel like a patriotic American when you support the President's suspension of Habeas Corpus, even when the administration continues to imprison people that its own military tribunals have found to be innocent? Read this editorial if you want to get an idea of what passes for justice in GWB's America, and remember that your rights will be eventually destroyed as well, not just "those foreigners'".
There's a reason that we're losing the war in Iraq, and the war on terror, and that's because we've discarded our own principles, and replaced them with both the principles and tactics of our enemies. There is no functioning justice system in Iraq (or at GTMO either). And when we drop 500 LBS bombs in Iraqi residential areas, we don't just kill the suspected insurgents in their safe house, but many others who just happen to live nearby. We've lost the ability to lead the free world, because people recognize that we've lost our own way.
But you can keep sucking up to GWB if you want. You clowns lost the war in Iraq all on your own, and eventually even you will figure it out. Let's hope not *too* many more people have to die before that dim bulb finally lights up in your head.
Meanwhile, enjoy steering the US down this abyss, while pretending that you're "patriotic."
Posted by: PghMike at November 17, 2005 07:27 AM