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May 08, 2005

Happy Mother's Day

My mom and me, 1954It's a job that is celebrated and denigrated. It's a life choice venerated for its importance while its practioners are the butt of jokes.

It's the strange cultural schizophrenia of our time that demands mothers uphold strict ideals to raise healthy children and tells women if they are stay-at-home moms they are "cheating" themselves of being full human beings by not having a career outside of the home.

And all of this plays on the psyche of the woman who stands in the bathroom holding up a little tube with a window with a plus sign.

Mothers, moms, mommies. Planned, adopted or oopsey, when that first child comes into our lives, the world changes.

Forever.

What do I wish this Mother's Day? After all the cards, flowers, brunches, long distance phone calls and visits the children of all ages make to their moms, grandmas and nanas? I want it to last more than a day. I want women to try and come to grips with how they want motherhood to be viewed the other 363 days of the year.

It is the most important life choice a woman can make. Another human being's fate is in our hands. I remember when I got pregnant for the first time, I was scared and thrilled. I went diligently to the doctor, watched what I ate and couldn't wait to get into maternity clothes. However, it was when we took that tiny little being, Jennifer, home after three days and laid her in her crib and hovered over her, making sure she was breathing, that it hit me. I almost couldn't breathe with the realization that Jennifer was a little person completely separate from me and completely dependent on me. Food? She needed me. She couldn't anymore than lay in her crib and wave her arms and legs without me. And the fearsome, intense love I felt for this tiny being was overwhelming.

And as the years have rolled by, even after she has grown and moved from home, it doesn't end.

Indeed, it has expanded with the arrival of my grandsons. Though, I confess I'm enjoying a more relaxed relationship with them because I can play with them, spoil them a little, then send them home!

So sisters, where do you see the Career of Mom going over the next generation? There are a lot of women, women who spent years of education and career building that have decided to stay home full-time with their young children. Are such women doing the right thing? What should we teach our daughters and sons about motherhood and fatherhood? What values do we want see acknowleged and supported in the public square?

More than just a celebration of mothers, let today be one of open discussion about where we are and where we want to go in our American culture.

Posted by Darleen at May 8, 2005 08:35 AM

Comments

I'm guessing that's you and your mom - what a lovely photo. I see you're wearing classic '50's baby gear: just a cloth diaper!

I don't think I'm qualified to comment on this, as I always knew that what I wanted to do was be a housewife and have a family. I was just pissed that my choice back in the '70's wasn't respected by the women's movement. Oh, they said they did - but that was BS, we were letting down the side and betraying the sisterhood.
I'm just sorry that the differences led to the "mommy wars" we still see today.

I think during the last three + decades there was a vast experiment in how much parental neglect kids could take in the name of parental freedom. (And how much experimentation with traditional family patterns society could absorb.) I don't think it's insignificant that this parenting theory was adopted by the most spoiled generation ever: the Boomers, whose own kids are now working on the second generation. All this is general theorizing, of course - there are certainly plenty of exceptions.

So much for not commenting...

since you've been so kind: our school took State second place in AAAAA One-Act, Best Actress, Best Overall Single Performance (our Best Actress), one All-Star cast member award and Best Stage Manager. Not too shabby. We're so proud!

Posted by: Sal at May 8, 2005 01:45 PM