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March 06, 2005
Your turn at a Hollywood pitch
Yesterday Jeff Harrell broke the news of yet another tragic trashing of an innocuous kid flick. This time it's the old Disney series of the VW Beetle, Herbie, in a "new" turn for the 21st century as Herbie, Fully Loaded. Oh. My. God.
As a rule I avoid remakes of pictures for a good reason. Almost without exception they ... how do I put this politely? ... SUCK. And the time I have to spend watching them and mentally comparing them (not favorably) with the original is time I can never get back. Consider -- I absolutely adore the 1947 film Miracle on 34th Street and while viewing the 1994 remake all I could wish for to improve the movie was a sudden appearance of the T-Rex from Jurassic Park to pursue Richard Attenborough down the streets of NYC and gobble him up in a frenzy of spraying blood and bits of flesh.
Unfortunately the raiding of old films will not cease. Hollywood is a strange town with many "brave" and "innovative" poseurs who are out looking for a "sure thing." And what better than to just pitch ideas based on successful past vehicles and play up the built-in audience that will come out to see their old flame? Such stuff leads to bizarre excercises like the Scooby Doo and Garfield movies.
So, this morning, I'd like you to pitch Hollywood your idea of a remake of an old film. It can be a line or two, or give it a full treatment including casting suggestions. Be as bizarre as you like. Across the jump is my pitch to get this started.
The Death Wish of Bambi
Bambi is all grown up and has never forgotten the life altering horror of his mother's senseless murder. In a film for the modern era and combining the technical innovations that make for seamless live action and computer animated characters we can draw in all those that grew up with Bambi and were the young audience that fueled the highly successful Death Wish series as Bambi leaves the forest with his loyal friends to search down and eliminate the murderers of his mother. His mission is triggered by the senseless burning of his forest home (our opening nail-the-audience-to-their-seats scene) and nothing will stop his quest.
Cast:
Bambi: Clint Eastwood
Thumper: Samuel L. Jackson
Flower: Kevin Spacey
Friend Owl: James Earl Jones
Posted by Darleen at March 6, 2005 07:18 AM
Comments
You are not kidding. NOt only do they do remakes they make feature films out of horrible television shows. Are there no original thoughts in this town?
As you know, this is my business. You would NOT believe the crap I have to read every day. I just can't understand 99% of the shit that is bought by studios in this town. It's crazy-making.
Posted by: Mieke at March 8, 2005 07:39 PM