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November 16, 2004

Happier! Sexier!! Richer!! Thinner!!!

Michele picks up on a perennial theme, "What makes Women Happy" and in her usual original way, with many personal examples, makes short work of the idea that any one list is going to adequately "explain" women - to either each other or to men.

As a culture, we love to makes lists. Stand at the checkout counter at the grocery store on any given day and the covers of women's magazines will all be running one list or another.


We want it. We want to read the magic list, the latest book, the hippest magazine in hopes of finding some shortcut to make us happier, sexier, richer, thinner or younger looking.

Is it the age-old problem of no matter where we are, we think we might be missing out on a better time elsewhere?

I have to share with you, though, the older I've gotten the more I've come to realize that happiness isn't something I'm waiting for, it is really more of a conscious decision. The decision to be happy is something I actually have control of.

No, this is not a Marge Simpson's "put on a happy face" and shove all other emotions aside thing. It's finding out what I need to do to make me happy in the long run, to allow me to feel satisfied with my life and where it is going and being in large part in charge of its direction.

I'd draw an analogy to organized, realistic housekeeping - having an overall plan on keeping my house clean and relatively ordered, being satisfied and happy when things have gone according to plan, not flipping out if there is clutter or disorganization from time to time, and not being so obsessed with keeping the ultimate clean house I drive myself and everyone else around me crazy.

Not to dis lists. I certainly enjoy finding out what things make others happy. It's an easy way to know more about them. Or finding out what their top five movies/books/songs are.

Certainly lists can even help us. Doing a comparison of Happy Things and Stuff that Really Bugs the Sh*t Out of Me can be illuminating especially where they overlap. Writing makes me happy even as sometimes it is a source of great frustration.

Michele cited this list as her starting point. And it's a fun list with some interesting entries. However, this bothered me:

30. If you have a son, teach him to love women. If you have a daughter, teach her to love herself.

I don't think we do either our sons or daughters any favor when we teach girls they are the standard by which boys will be measured; that the way to happiness is enforcing the notion that boys are just uncivilized girls that need the proper training.

The genders are profoundly different and we should recognize the difference, celebrate it and try to bridge the differences through understanding and compromise. Teach each to love the other and love themselves.

Posted by Darleen at November 16, 2004 12:11 PM

Comments

When I read your post, I started thinking about the whole "list" thing. I went and read the list you referred to, and what I saw was not meant to be a list for an individual to follow (do #1, then #2, etc.) but a grab bag of ideas that someone can pick and choose from. It is like a cookbook of 101 hamburger recipes. You won't like all of them, but one or two will tase incredible.

As a man, most of those items on the list certainly wouldn't appeal to me. However, a couple actually did. I would love to paint a wall in the house a deep blue. (Of course, my wife would make me paint it white the next day.) I can see how that could be beneficial. Or, even better, take a look at #21 - "Make something that is not temporary." For me, that is a good idea. Actually, it seems to me that you already are doing that with your blog.

Anyway, keep up the great blog. I look forward to reading it each day (although some days I may only read it on Bloglines).

Posted by: NightHawk at November 16, 2004 06:25 PM